My Personal Silver Linings

Yesterday was awful! From the minute I walked into the office until the moment I got home. But the silver linings on my cloud of a day:

- Adelaide's smile. When I pick her up from pre-school, as soon as she sees me she lights up with a huge smile. No matter what has happened in the day, it all melts away with that smile.

- Timothy's love. My husband isn't always the most patient of people, especially when he's also had a bad day, the air conditioning is out at home, it's 100 degrees, and the a/c guy unexpectedly left mid-job. He called before I left work to give me the run down of events including a ranting call to the a/c guy's boss. But when I got home, he gave me a kiss, grabbed the girl and fed her dinner... all so I could unwind after a horrific day. It's amazing what consistent prayer for one another and with each other can do! (btw, the a/c guy came back and the air was back on and running by the time we went to bed. *whew*)

- My mom's assistance. For a short time, my mom is staying with us. It's not the most ideal situation for both parties but there are definitely some perks. When I walked in the door, after Timothy had taken Adelaide, she came and gave me a big hug. Along with daughters's smiles, moms' hugs are also good at melting away the days events. And even though she had a rough day herself, she had dinner prepared by the time I got home.

Bottom line, I'm beyond blessed!

God's Repsonse to "What Is Going On??"

Thank you to Purpose Driven Life's daily email for being the vessel of God's gentle slap upside my head. So what's a string to do? Well, He answers: Let Go and Let God Work.

Thank you Lord for your grace, understanding and patience with me.

What Is Going On??

So I think I had my first anxiety attack today. All of the sudden my heart started racing and my head felt swimmy. When the tunnel vision started kicking in that's when I got a little freaked. I still feel a little off but I keep breathing deeply trying to quiet my mind. Then I started wondering "What's going on that would make my body react this way?" Especially when it's been a pretty non-eventful day. Then I start thinking about our financial problems, relationship issues, job situations, weight gain... and here comes the racing heart and swimmy head. *breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out*

Apparently I'm not dealing with these issues, and the pressure from being bottled up is about to cause an explosion. The thing is, I've never been good with articulating how I feel. I start talking and nothing comes out right. Then I get more frustrated because I can't get it out and I just end up shutting down again. The other thing is that I want to fix it all myself instead of handing it over to God. But then what do I 'do' in the meantime. I can't just sit around waiting for things to clear up. This all just reveals my lack of time spent meditating and praying to God, lack of devotional and bible reading time. Why do I keep acting like a child?

In a nut shell, I feel like a tangled string. I'm trying to un-knot myself but I'm making it worse. What's a string to do?

I've Got A Dilemma

99.9% of the time, I am FREEZING at work. As in fleece jacket on, blanket on my legs freezing. All while my co-workers are burning up. For some reason, the duct system in our office is all jacked-up. Our office only consists of 11 offices with one hallway divided by a breakroom and bathrooms.... how bad does that HVAC guy gotta be, seriously?!

Anywho, back to my dilemma...

Today, my friends, the air isn't working. AND IT'S SO HOT IN HERE! As I tend to dress on the warmer side, since I spend 9 hours of my day in the frigid office, today I'm wearing a cardigan over a sleeveless top. Here's the thing, I've gained A LOT of weight recently and my arms have taken a lot of the load. So...

Do I ditch the cardigan that is trapping in heat and may ultimately be the reason for my heat-stroke?
or
Continue to cover up my anti-Anniston arms?

Who am I kidding? I'll continue to cover-up... my self-esteem is hiding under my desk. I wonder if it's cooler down there? I'm gonna go find out.

she's coming... She's Coming... SHE'S COMING!!!

The Pioneer Woman herself is coming to Charlotte May 7th and I'm super excited! I heard about The Pioneer Woman from a friend about a year ago and I've been in awe ever since. She's a city girl that fell in love with a cowboy and now lives on a ranch in Oklahoma with her four kids... oh and she blogs about it. She's so endearing and down-to-earth, you can't help but fall in love with her. As part of her blog, she has a cooking section and takes pictures of EVERY step... as a non-cook that is so helpful... and the food is sinful. She put out a cookbook last year and was on tour earlier in the year but is doing another mini-tour to cities she couldn't get to before. So a group of us girls are going to spend all day waiting in line to get 10-seconds of face time with one of the coolest, humblest (is that a word?), funniest women in the 'blogsphere'. Wow, maybe I should tone it down a bit. *breathe-in, breathe-out* Okay, I'm back. Anyway, I'm excited to meet P-Dub but also excited to spend a day with the girls... girls-day-out is always fun, even if you're just standing in line for hours.

She's also writing a book about her & Marlboro Man's love story, which was just picked-up to be made into a movie too. How awesome is that?!

Initiative Against Despair

In the past year, I've fallen asleep spiritually. I've allowed life to distract me from focusing on God; being in the hospital, preparing for a baby, having a baby, being in the hospital again, money troubles, work troubles... etc. Usually these are the things that bring us closer to God but I've let my circumstances be my focus instead. Here lately I've come to the end of my rope, hit a wall. One day I looked around and realized I've been a walking zombie. Then I became dejected that I've spent so much time off track... how can I start again?

Today's My Utmost For His Highest really spoke to me and gave me encouragment. It's time to stop wallowing in 'I Should've', cast off my sins and fears, and start running the race ahead again (Matthew 26:46, Hebrews 12:1).

And that's the amazing beauty of Christ! He's been patiently standing right beside me, just waiting for me to turn to Him and say 'I can't do it.' He knows, He's known the whole time. He's been waiting to take it from me and lead me the right way. He's oh so patient with us stubborn children!

Out With The Old, In With The New

Beware, the giant dork in me is about to be revealed... in case you haven't seen her before.

One of my favorite times of year is January. Why? Because I get to file and organize. Really? Yes, really. I love boxing up last year's files, making sure everything is in order. (It's no fun when you have to go look for a old file and they're just thrown about.) I love alphabetizing and labeling. I love creating new files with new tabs, not sullied yet with wear. I love the look of all the fresh files in the filing cabinet, a clean slate waiting for the start of the new year. It makes me giddy.

I work with a bunch of men who could care less about organization in the office. This place is my organizing heaven. I organize the trip supplies closet, the office supplies cabinet, the paper and envelopes in the copy room, the flight log books in the pilots' room... I love it. When I feel unsure about my place here, I find peace and solace in organizing.

What a dork!